Deception, or well, not.

I saw the movie Deception last night. Here is a blurb from Movie-web.com:

An accountant (McGregor) is introduced to a mysterious sex club known as The List by his lawyer friend (Jackman). But in this new world, he soon becomes the prime suspect in a woman’s disappearance and a multi-million dollar heist.

I can see the underling pitching this to the movie executives: “Powerful men, hot and sexually valuable women, gratuitous strip club scene, money, money, money, and well, Deception!”

Deception

Deception

Deception

And how will this be done? Oh, you know, the usual way – the movie is thoroughly formulaic.

I sat in the theater like a chorus director: “Okay, and now this has to happen, and now this…”

Twenty minutes into the movie I thought, “Can I go now?” But no, I couldn’t go. I paid $9 for this crap.

Good thing I got the $1 student discount. $10 for crap would have pissed-me-the-fuck-off.

So I sat there for almost two hours waiting for the clunky plot devices to finish. And just in case anyone missed anything the movie dropped hints with the grace of a bitch-slap, “LOOK AT THIS. THIS IS IMPORTANT. HERE: ANOTHER SHOT. DO YOU REMEMBER THIS FROM 10 MINUTES AGO? CLUE! CLUEE! CLUEEEEE!”

Okay, we get it bubba, damn.

• A more mature and thorough version of the above can be found here.
• A 62-year-old Charlotte Rampling has about 5 minutes in the movie.

Filed under: crap, thriller , Charlotte Rampling, crappy movie, deception, deception movie, Ewan McGregor, guns, heist, Hugh Jackman, Maggie Q, Michelle Williams, movie review, plot

Red Dragon

I finished reading the Thomas Harris novel Red Dragon last night.

I just rewatched the 2002 film adaptation.

This was the first time I’ve watched a movie after reading the novel and I was surprised by how much more is covered by the novel.

Red Dragon

Red Dragon

Red Dragon

I loved the movie when it came out, but now, eh.

Other changes include the name of the chemical processing plant, hair colors, dialogue, and locations. Guns are also favored over knives in the movie. Boom-chaka-chaka.

The movie was more of the gist of the novel than the true film-adaptation. It’s like a cover by a tribute band. A lot of random things in the movie are remnants of important character developing events in the book.

The film obviously couldn’t cover all of the subplots in the novel, but I am surprised how much richer the novel is compared to the film.

Novels are a much more powerful medium than I previously realized. Good thing I’m a writer, and not a director.

Filed under: horror , creative writing, hannibal, hannibal lecter, harris, horror, movie, movie review, plot, red dragon, review, silence of the lambs, thomas harris, writing

Not-so-Savage Island

Tonight I wasted a half-hour of my life watching Savage Island. Straight-to-video low-budget horror. I blame Blockbuster online.

Pictures. Yes, he’s asking someone to pet a dead squirrel.

Premise: a newlywed couple with a baby visit the wife’s parents, who live on a small island just east of nowhere.

The wife’s pot-smoking brother also lives on the island with the parents. The father-in-law wants to develop the island into a luxury resort. One small problem: the island is inhabited by a family (or two?) of hick squatters. These are “the savages.”

The “savages” dress like pioneers. Well, at least the parents do. The hick children dress like huns from a video game and the young adults wear modern clothes. All the savage-hicks have pretty well groomed hair, and the savage men wear fashionable stubble. Go figure.

Well the pot-smoking brother-in-law has a nasty speeding habit, and of course he accidentally hits on the of the hick-savage children.

The savage-elders come to the ranch and tell the father-in-law that they “want the baby”, the father-in-law says “hells to the nah get off my property!” and mass chaos ensues.

That’s the movie.

The scene transitions are SO bad. They are like made in windows-movie-maker bad. The scene changes involve the screen moving up or to the side, creating a “meanwhile back at the ranch” effect.

Some shots are grainy, others in black and white… and the acting… um yeah. I’m going back to Red Dragon.

Filed under: crap, horror , bad acting, bad movies, blockbuster, fail, horror, horror movie, movie review, red dragon, savage island, squirrels

Toolbox Murders

I just finished watching “The Toolbox Murders.” Premise: a young couple moves into an old Hollywood apartment building. The neighbors are weird, the building manager is annoying, and there is a looming repairman that looks like a Geico caveman.

The apartment building also happens to be dotted in magic symbols and has a long history of mysterious deaths, of course.

The accidental deaths escalate when the couple moves in. Wifey slowly makes friends with the neighbors, and they start dying off. She then (understandably) becomes paranoid and hysteric.

Hubby, the building manager, and the police tell her that she’s off her rocker.

But, of course, she’s not. Cue music.

The music is the scariest thing for the first part of the movie. False jumps galore.

Then, halfway through, when the disfigured (go figure), masked killer is revealed, something strange happens: YOU ACTUALLY START CARING ABOUT THE CHARACTERS! Gasp.

What follows is 30-40 minutes of good-old-fashion horror chase. Yes, I was flailing about screaming at the girl, “YOU BEST GET UP ON OUT OF THERE! GO! GO! GO!”

Haha. I got into it. It was fun.

One thing though, (caution, not cute)

Filed under: Uncategorized , angela bettis, gore, horror movie, juliet landau, movie review, movies, rance howard, sheri moon, sheri moon zombie, tobe hooper, toolbox, toolbox murders