Sex and the City

I’ve never watched a full episode of Sex and the City, but I somehow found myself at the movie – and loved it!

The movie is a long episode of the show, which focuses on the love lives of four middle aged women who live in New York City:

• Carrie Bradsaw (Sarah Jessica Parker): a columnist for Vogue who is about to be married to the filthy rich Mr. Big (Chris Noth)
• Samantha: the 50-year-old seductress (or tramp, depending on your morals…) who is dating the smokin’ hot Jason Lewis.
• Charlotte: The sweet one who is overly concerned with her body. She has an adopted daughter and a gay-ish husband who can’t get it up.
• Miranda: A lawyer, who resembles Ann Coulter (or Alex McCord). Miranda and her husband haven’t slept together in six months. Miranda also hasn’t trimmed her nah-nah zone in about a half year’s time too.

Seriously. There is an extended joke about Miranda’s lawless public hair.

And about Charlotte’s bowel problems.

Toilet humor aside, the movie has a tightly braided plot designed to maximize costume changes (seriously, they are wearing someone new every 3 minutes…it’s better than an awards show!)

I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and didn’t feel lost because I don’t watch the show…although there are two marginal relationships (between the queeny designers, and Jennifer Hudson and her mute St. Louis boyfriend) that probably could have been cut. We are already following the four women…do we really need two more relationships to keep track of?

Hudson also plays the (stereotypical) role of big black nanny. She cleans up after Sarah Jessica Parker (as a “personal assistant”) while offering sassy “home grown” believe-in-yourself wisdom. She is rewarded for her loyalty with a purse.

Heh.

Filed under: must see , movie, review, sarah jessica parker, sex and the city

Kung Fu Panda

I broke a personal rule today: I went to a PG movie, and a cartoon no less.

I’ve always scorned the digital cartoons. Fuck Nemo. Fuck Cars.

Those are things that my female coworkers see. Bring on the horror movies. Give me a foreign film.

Well, I missed my art house film and ended up seeing Kung Fu Panda.

Kung Fu Panda

Kung Fu Panda

Kung Fu Panda

And, in a nasty case of foot-in-mouth disease, I was impressed.

This is the official description of the movie:
Enthusiastic, big and a little clumsy, Po is the biggest fan of Kung Fu around…which doesn’t exactly come in handy while working every day in his family’s noodle shop. Unexpectedly chosen to fulfill an ancient prophecy, Po’s dreams become reality when he joins the world of Kung Fu and studies alongside his idols, the legendary Furious Five — Tigress, Crane, Mantis, Viper and Monkey — under the leadership of their guru, Master Shifu. But before they know it, the vengeful and treacherous snow leopard Tai Lung is headed their way, and it’s up to Po to defend everyone from the oncoming threat. Can he turn his dreams of becoming a Kung Fu master into reality? Po puts his heart – and his girth – into the task, and the unlikely hero ultimately finds that his greatest weaknesses turn out to be his greatest strengths.

SO in normal-speak, This is the movie in five steps:

• Unlikely hero is chosen to save his friends.
• Big bad guy comes.
• Unlikely hero, after some self doubt, learns to believe himself.
• Big bad guy and unlikely hero fight.
• Credits.

 
Kung Fu panda succeeds where Iron Man failed miserably – both movies have extremely basic (some would say generic) plots, but Kung Fu panda is so visually stunning that it keeps the audience in the present. There’s simply too much to look at to mull over where the movie is going.

The action sequences are well done and the landscapes are beautiful.

I’ll even go so far to say that Kung Fu panda is the most impressively produced cartoon since Ghost in the Shell II.

MovieWeb – Movie Photos, Videos & More

Filed under: must see , angelina jolie, china, ghost in the shell, jack black, jackie chan, kung fu, kung fu panda, movie review, movies, panda

The (tiresome) Strangers

I just got back from The Strangers and I’m annoyed.

Both Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman are completely impotent victims. They whimper rather than scream, and keep running back to a house that they know the killers have access to.

Speedman looks more confused than scared for the better part of the movie. Actually, he looks ill. Speedman seems to consider being terrorized the about as bothersome as a tummy ache. Maybe he could be terrified if he didn’t feel so constipated.

The Strangers

The Strangers

The Strangers

The killers are more annoying than scary. The trio is primarily concerned about vandalizing the house and banging on things. They put in the occasional spook, but there are no chase scenes. There’s a crawl scene, but it hardly seems fair.

Tyler and Speedman are so helpless that the movie grows tiresome. The phones are gone, the cars are broken, and they seem to be incapable to using weapons. If I wanted to see someone being tortured for an hour and a half I would just watch SAW like everyone else.

I know that it’s easy to say what a horror movie victim “should have done” while sitting in the cushy movie theater seat. But pfft. If this happened to me the killers would have one shot to knock me out.

Otherwise it would be on like Donkey Kong.

In fact.
Indeed.
Dot com.

I didn’t realize how country I was until I watched this movie. I would have been on the phone with the police 10 minutes into the mess, and I would certainly have taken a few of them out before the cops got there.

Liv Tyler kept asking the killers, “Why are you doing this to us?” Girl, someone just took an axe to your door! It doesn’t matter why. You can ask questions after you maim his ass.

Ugh.

The most interesting part of the movie is that Gemma Ward is actually one of the killers. Is that worth $10 though? Probably not.

Filed under: horror , gemma ward, horror, liv tyler, movie review, movies, scott speedman, the strangers, the strangers movie, the strangers movie review, thriller