The (tiresome) Strangers

I just got back from The Strangers and I’m annoyed.

Both Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman are completely impotent victims. They whimper rather than scream, and keep running back to a house that they know the killers have access to.

Speedman looks more confused than scared for the better part of the movie. Actually, he looks ill. Speedman seems to consider being terrorized the about as bothersome as a tummy ache. Maybe he could be terrified if he didn’t feel so constipated.

The Strangers

The Strangers

The Strangers

The killers are more annoying than scary. The trio is primarily concerned about vandalizing the house and banging on things. They put in the occasional spook, but there are no chase scenes. There’s a crawl scene, but it hardly seems fair.

Tyler and Speedman are so helpless that the movie grows tiresome. The phones are gone, the cars are broken, and they seem to be incapable to using weapons. If I wanted to see someone being tortured for an hour and a half I would just watch SAW like everyone else.

I know that it’s easy to say what a horror movie victim “should have done” while sitting in the cushy movie theater seat. But pfft. If this happened to me the killers would have one shot to knock me out.

Otherwise it would be on like Donkey Kong.

In fact.
Indeed.
Dot com.

I didn’t realize how country I was until I watched this movie. I would have been on the phone with the police 10 minutes into the mess, and I would certainly have taken a few of them out before the cops got there.

Liv Tyler kept asking the killers, “Why are you doing this to us?” Girl, someone just took an axe to your door! It doesn’t matter why. You can ask questions after you maim his ass.

Ugh.

The most interesting part of the movie is that Gemma Ward is actually one of the killers. Is that worth $10 though? Probably not.

Filed under: horror , gemma ward, horror, liv tyler, movie review, movies, scott speedman, the strangers, the strangers movie, the strangers movie review, thriller