Jamie and I saw “The Spirit” today. Here’s Jamie’s take at Chipotle:
Filed under: crap, thriller , movie review, the spirit, the spirit movie review, youtube
January 11, 2009 • 11:41 pm 0
The Spirit
January 10, 2009 • 5:57 am 2
The Unborn
In the lobby of the movie theater:
Manager: “Can I help you?”
Me: “What happened to the three cops you had stationed in theater 10? It’s ridiculous in there. People are screaming at each other and running through the isles.”
Manager: “Sorry about that. There’s only so much we can do. I’ll send the cops back in. Talk to me after the movie and I’ll get you some comp tickets.”
Jamie and I saw The Unborn tonight. The theater was full of Bebe’s Kids. There were three fully armed cops (vests, pistols) cursing out tweens throughout the movie. Ghettotastic. The second the officers left the theater erupted in chaos.
Got two free movie tickets out of it though!
Oh, and the movie? B-horror movie at best. Stupid premise, gratuitous cameltoe, and a poor man’s Megan Fox.
Via MovieWeb … those hanes leave no breathing room…
Don’t believe me? Compare Megan Fox with Unborn star Odette Yustman. Yep.
Via MovieWeb – Look what I can do!
The graphics in the movie weren’t bad, but the timing was so horrible that the scares had little effect. It’s like watching a surgery on Grey’s Anatomy – “Oh, that’s sort of gross. Heh. Oh look a carpet commercial…” My advice? Skip it.
And yes, Meagan Good, our favorite horror Diva is in this one too, but even Meagan can’t save this shitfest.
Filed under: crap, horror , crap, horror movie, meagan good, the unborn, unborn review
November 23, 2008 • 8:05 pm 0
Junebug
Saw Junebug today. It’s another installment in the “meet the parents” genre: a chic city woman meets her husband’s religious, backwood family.
“Honey, is it going to be that bad?” “Heh…you have no idea…”
We meet the bullish mother, silent father, angry brother, and the brother’s ditzy/chatty (and pregnant!) girlfriend.
“BE MY FRIEND!”
The wife is an art dealer. So we have the kooky semi-autistic artist who paints bloody civil war scenes and, uh, penises.
“It’s so deep!”
He also speaks in riddles and gives constant impromptu sermons….
Two problems with this movie – there are a lot of unnecessary sex scenes that add nothing to the plot or character development, and there are a lot of lingering shots of empty rooms ala botched arthouse style.
The biggest problem with the “meet the parents” genre is that the married couples never seem to have had the “so, where are you from?” conversation. They might as well have married a serial killer…which might make for a more interesting story…
Filed under: crap, drama , Allesandro Nivola, Celia Weston, Embeth Davidtz, Junebug, movie review, Scott Wilson
November 11, 2008 • 6:01 am 0
The Changeling & House
Friday I went to Mall of America and saw The Changeling, which was amazing…
More at MovieWeb
The synopsis from Movieweb:
Los Angeles, 1928: On a Saturday morning in a working-class suburb, Christine said goodbye to her son, Walter, and left for work. When she came home, she discovered he had vanished. A fruitless search ensues, and months later, a boy claiming to be the nine-year-old is returned. Dazed by the swirl of cops, reporters and her conflicted emotions, Christine allows him to stay overnight. But in her heart, she knows he is not Walter.
As she pushes authorities to keep looking, she learns that in Prohibition-era L.A., women don’t challenge the system and live to tell their story. Slandered as delusional and unfit, Christine finds an ally in activist Reverend Briegleb (Malkovich), who helps her fight the city to look for her missing boy. Based on the actual incident that rocked California’s legal system, “Changeling” tells the shocking tale of a mother’s quest to find her son, and those who won’t stop until they silence her.
A bit of a tear jerker…but compelling (to use a movie review cliché)… I also saw another movie this weekend: “House.” My advice? Skip House and go see The Changeling even if you love horror movies. Actually…the Changeling has a horror element in it…
More at MovieWeb
House has every horror movie cliché you can think of. Seriously. There’s the creepy haunted house (of course), the 1800’s style ghost family with creepy son, leaking faucets, storms, random creaks, gross food, insects, “mysterious pasts”, demon worship, random masked killer, odd editing, shrill-tense music, flooded basements, non-reflecting mirrors… oh, and devil worship…(you thought I was kidding)
After the first 20 minutes I realized that the director was cheating – if you have to resort to a distorted montage then, erm. Fail.
And (of course) we have the stock characters: The blond bombshell, who is a country singer…. and her husband, who looks like he missed the audition for Coldplay…
Via MovieWeb
The temptress. The Meat-head… who looks like someone from that other industry…
Via MovieWeb
The shady police officer. And the creepy kid ala Ricci as Wendy…
via MovieWeb
Apparently this House contains plenty of plum eye shadow…maybe there’s a drag queen hiding in the basement?
Filed under: crap, horror, must see, thriller , angelina jolie, horror, house, movie review, the changeling
May 9, 2008 • 12:34 am 0
Deception, or well, not.
I saw the movie Deception last night. Here is a blurb from Movie-web.com:
An accountant (McGregor) is introduced to a mysterious sex club known as The List by his lawyer friend (Jackman). But in this new world, he soon becomes the prime suspect in a woman’s disappearance and a multi-million dollar heist.
I can see the underling pitching this to the movie executives: “Powerful men, hot and sexually valuable women, gratuitous strip club scene, money, money, money, and well, Deception!”
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- Deception
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- Deception
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- Deception
And how will this be done? Oh, you know, the usual way – the movie is thoroughly formulaic.
I sat in the theater like a chorus director: “Okay, and now this has to happen, and now this…”
Twenty minutes into the movie I thought, “Can I go now?” But no, I couldn’t go. I paid $9 for this crap.
Good thing I got the $1 student discount. $10 for crap would have pissed-me-the-fuck-off.
So I sat there for almost two hours waiting for the clunky plot devices to finish. And just in case anyone missed anything the movie dropped hints with the grace of a bitch-slap, “LOOK AT THIS. THIS IS IMPORTANT. HERE: ANOTHER SHOT. DO YOU REMEMBER THIS FROM 10 MINUTES AGO? CLUE! CLUEE! CLUEEEEE!”
Okay, we get it bubba, damn.
- A more mature and thorough version of the above can be found here.
- A 62-year-old Charlotte Rampling has about 5 minutes in the movie.
Filed under: crap, thriller , Charlotte Rampling, crappy movie, deception, deception movie, Ewan McGregor, guns, heist, Hugh Jackman, Maggie Q, Michelle Williams, movie review, plot
May 3, 2008 • 12:42 am 0
Not-so-Savage Island
Tonight I wasted a half-hour of my life watching Savage Island. Straight-to-video low-budget horror. I blame Blockbuster online.
Pictures. Yes, he’s asking someone to pet a dead squirrel.
Premise: a newlywed couple with a baby visit the wife’s parents, who live on a small island just east of nowhere.
The wife’s pot-smoking brother also lives on the island with the parents. The father-in-law wants to develop the island into a luxury resort. One small problem: the island is inhabited by a family (or two?) of hick squatters. These are “the savages.”
The “savages” dress like pioneers. Well, at least the parents do. The hick children dress like huns from a video game and the young adults wear modern clothes. All the savage-hicks have pretty well groomed hair, and the savage men wear fashionable stubble. Go figure.
Well the pot-smoking brother-in-law has a nasty speeding habit, and of course he accidentally hits on the of the hick-savage children.
The savage-elders come to the ranch and tell the father-in-law that they “want the baby”, the father-in-law says “hells to the nah get off my property!” and mass chaos ensues.
That’s the movie.
The scene transitions are SO bad. They are like made in windows-movie-maker bad. The scene changes involve the screen moving up or to the side, creating a “meanwhile back at the ranch” effect.
Some shots are grainy, others in black and white… and the acting… um yeah. I’m going back to Red Dragon.
Filed under: crap, horror , bad acting, bad movies, blockbuster, fail, horror, horror movie, movie review, red dragon, savage island, squirrels
April 11, 2008 • 12:43 am 0
Prom Night
I just saw Prom Night in the Province. Matt said it best, “They set up the scares well, but the kills are ridiculous.” There was a lot of laughing, it was a decent horror-comedy, but not memorable.
The next movie I’m excited about is The Strangers. That comes out this summer.
Filed under: crap, horror , brittnay snow, brittney snow, movie, movie review, prom, prom night
